It can be hard to think of the words to say when someone appears to be struggling or expresses the thought of ending their life.
However, taking action and having that tough conversation can make a difference in saving a life.
It is important to let the people in our lives know that we care and are here to support them. Showing empathy and genuinely listening to others, helps to convey that they are valued.
Knowing how, when and where to start the conversation can help make it easier in addressing the topic in a supportive way.
Here are some strategies to use when reaching out to individuals that are “acting out of character” and may need help.
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Start the conversation.
Space: Choosing the right time and place to talk to someone about the issues they may be facing is essential. Be intentional in your approach. To limit distractions and discomfort, ask to step outside or go somewhere private to talk. Also remember to always prioritize your safety.
Checking in: Check in to ensure the person wants to talk. Don’t demand they tell you what is going on, but ask, “Hey, I just wanted to check in with you as I’ve noticed some things and am concerned about you. Do you mind or want to talk about it? If you don’t want to, can I help get you connected to someone you would feel more comfortable talking to?”
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Create a supportive foundation.
Express support: Tell the person why you’re concerned. “You don’t seem like yourself, and I’ve noticed you seem anxious. What’s going on?”
Ask for some background: “Tell me how you’re feeling. How long have you been feeling like this or having these issues?”
Check personal bias at the door: This isn’t about you. This is about the individual you are concerned about. Don’t try to interrupt with examples of how you or someone overcame a similar issue. Don’t minimize the person’s problem. Listen. Try to see from the person’s perspective.
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Ask the hard questions.
“Are you having thoughts about hurting yourself?”
“Are you thinking about, or have you thought about killing yourself?”
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Show you care with actions and words.
Summarize what you’ve been told and offer support: By summarizing what the person shared, it shows you were actively listening and understand where the person stands. But don’t make promises of keeping it a secret.
Connect with help: Once you have a basic understanding of the issue and what the individual is willing to try, connect the person with helping resources. Take the person to see a Chaplain, set up an appointment at the Community Counseling Program, walk the person into the office, or call the Veterans/Military Crisis Line at 988, then press 1.
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Follow through with the person.
Check in: Be sure to check in with the individual in the days/weeks/months to come. Check in often and follow the same strategy as before. Make the person feel confident and at ease about opening up to you. Let the person know that you are and will continue to be there for any future issues or to help them talk to a professional.
Tough conversations can make a huge difference.
Ask. Listen. Support. You could save a life.
For more information, see the USMC Warfighter Mental Readiness Playbook and the Marine Corps Interactive Suicide Prevention and Mental Fitness Resource.